Road House (2024)

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⭐ 4.5/10


The worst movie I have seen in a while.  This is a movie about Jake Gyllenhaal being super jacked and being a bouncer for a bar.  But there is a conspiracy!  Why are so many thugs targeting this bar? Would you believe me if the local police were involved?  Or what if the love interest turned out to be the daughter of the police chief!  It's as bad as it sounds, and devolves into what I imagine Fast and the Furious movies are by the end. Honestly it felt even like a Marvel movie, incoherent CGI fight at the end where everyone should have died long ago.

I was turned off in the first minute where Post Malone shows up in a fight, but it has this terrible CGI, where the second he throws a punch he is replaced with what looks like a video game fighter.  That's all we see of him, which is why I thought him having a dedicated poster was funny.  But ya, every moment of action in this film, which could have been well done, is just an absolute mess.  The richest company in the world made this film and the CGI is so so bad.  Jake got jacked, but can he fight?  I have no idea, because the camera is swirling around and virtual effects are added and every single fight looks completely fake.  Why do this?

Connor McGregor puts in maybe the worst acting performance I've ever seen.  He has a very distinct accent in real life, so he decides to use a different accent here, sounding like a cartoon version of himself?  Not sure what he was going for but it is so terrible.  I like the idea of him as a villain, because he's pretty deranged and no matter what he does it kind of makes sense because he's insane, but it becomes very one-note.  The love interest is super robotic, the plot is bad.  It's weird that I was kind of into this in the first 30 minutes because it was so silly, but by the end of the 2 hours I was excited to turn it off.

I watched this with my father-in-law at a cottage while the ladies watched Mamma Mia 2 in the other room, and we had a little debate after about who watched the worse movie.


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