Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

⭐6.5/10

This is maybe the hardest movie in the world for me to rate because I'm not sure there is a bigger divide between a movie being actually good and me blindly loving it. I was 6 when this came out and this movie was made for little boys just like me. I still have a 25 year old collection of pop cans that came out as a promotion. I collected all of them! Nothing brings me back quite like this movie. 

But no, it is an abomination and honestly it's mostly Jar Jar. Don't get me wrong, I laughed a lot when he was on the screen. He is the best part of this movie. He is so absurdly unfunny that it feels like an out-of-body experience seeing him get his tongue stuck in the laser. Who on earth thought this was a good idea? 

But the other thing is that this movie is just so poorly written. This isn't news to anyone, but yeah, you can't write "yippee" into a script and actually have someone say it. The script managed to make Natalie Portman, Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor seem like incompetent actors. Pretty impressive. 

There's also plenty of other negatives. The incredibly convoluted political plot, midichlorians, racially insensitive caricatures... But who wants to dwell on the negatives of this masterpiece?! Not me!

I honestly think this movie has one of the coolest aesthetics of any movie ever. Look at that thumbnail! Queen Amidala, Darth Maul, even the battle droids or the Jedi outfits. Despite some horrendous special effects, this movie looks gorgeous. 

I also love a lot of the campy moments. You know what? I want more podracing, I love that scene. Qui-Gon risking everything on a race is hilarious, and has so many moral implications. I also think the final showdown is beautifully choreographed and is set to the backdrop of one of the greatest movie compositions of all time (Duel of the Fates!). 

So yeah, objectively, this movie is seriously like a 4-5. It's awful at times. But I can't help but love it, and so I'll settle for a score more in the middle.