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⭐ 3.0/10 (Originally written by Joseph) What can I say at this point? These movies are terrible and everyone knows that. Again, people were trying to argue that this one is legitimately good. Compared to the others? Sure! By any real standards? These movies are all in the bottom 10 that I've ever seen. I know everyone finds the Jacob imprinting thing weird, but like... we're just gonna kinda brush aside that he is in love with a baby? Like that's not weird, that's also illegal? The CGI baby was gross and I'd want to kill it too. So what do I rate this one? Mat told me I had to give it a 3 to show that it was better than the others. Sure? I mean, they are all zeros. There are zero real positives that I can say about these, or at least none that they were intentionally going for. They gave us a few banger songs? Anyways, I'll never forget these. One is a masterpiece. Funny stuff, and I wish the rest could have kept up. Edward Cullen is the least attractive, least ...

⭐ 1.0/10 (Originally written by Joseph) Someone in the room was like, no this is where the movies start getting actually good. And then the first scene is Jacob seeing the wedding invitation and storming off into the woods like a child. These movies are still hilariously bad, and this one is just as bad as any. You kinda start wanting to judge these by different standards, but no. These are the worst combinations of writing and acting out there. The CGI is horrendous, and these movies had a budget! It also makes me laugh every time Bella hits on Jacob right in front of Edward. This is just a completely bizarre set of movies. At the end, Edward is at her bedside, his mouth covered in pizza sauce, and it's not supposed to be funny? Weird, weird movies.

⭐ 2.0/10 (Originally written by Joseph) To it's credit, this is now just a normal bad movie. I really have no idea how to rate it. 2 I guess? This is still one of the worst movies I've ever seen, but Bella resembles something closer to a normal human, and Edward... no he's still awful. Anyways, writing is offensively bad and I continues to hurt my soul that this gets released to the public. The whole tent scene was one of the funniest things I've seen. So there's that.

⭐ 0.5/10 (Originally written by Joseph) While the last one was unintentionally funny, this one was just straight up boring. Everything is still very bad, but at least they removed the blue tint. Jacob is very handsome here, and between him and and the absolutely repulsive Edward, Bella's choice shouldn't be in question. Anyways, this is still so stupid and written by children. These were fun to watch as a group for about 3 hours but I'm running out of steam and we have 3 movies after this. Kill me.

⭐ 0.5/10 (Originally written by Joseph) So I know these movies are like, so bad that they're good. But this is the first time I've seen them so... I'm fairly confident this is the worst movie I've ever seen. Like I'm not trying to be hyperbolic or funny, it's just awful in every regard. Like what is even going on here? Who wrote this? Who approved this? It feels like this is a parody of a bad team drama. It feels like it was not only written by 12 year olds, but produced by 12 year olds. The awful effects, the cheesy camerawork, the blue tint. And then of course the acting, with all time bad performances by everyone involved, especially Bella and Edward. The way Bella takes 10 seconds before everything she says, how she always seems like she's on the cusp of either orgasm or death. And yet Edward is worse! It actually feels unfair that they were both able to rebound and have successful careers after doing this. Anyways, I know this movie isn't for me, an...

⭐ 9.5/10 (Originally written by Beans) This is a book set in France in world war 2 and follows the story of 2 sisters. The French side of the war is one I’m unfamiliar with but was incredibly compelling. This is historical fiction, but I’m sure could be based on very real events. This was a pretty big book, and the first half felt really meandering and slow. Looking back I think the author did a great job of buildup and helping us to better know the characters, but it’s a lot to read to get to what I thought was the better half. The second half was incredible and gripping and had me awestruck. War is a very far away concept and not something I think of a lot, but this book did a great job of helping one see the everyday atrocities of war, on top of the horrible things we are more familiar with. The cold, the hunger, the distrust, the emptiness, all of it was on display in this book in a way that felt so tangible and horrendous. I think the real beauty of this book is how she wraps it u...

⭐ 9.0/10 (Originally written by Beans) This is a coming of age movie pretty similar to the works of Eighth Grade and the one I just recently reviewed, Scrapper. It follows a young girl Margaret in the 70s who moves to a new city and has to adjust to a new life, new friends, new school, and a changing body. Overarching all of this is her question about faith and God. Her dad is Jewish and her mom is Christian; they are letting her choose her own religion when she grows up. Just really incredible, wholesome stuff here. Genuinely funny, heartwarming, and all the while asking big life questions. The main character was absolutely amazing in this and Rachel McAdams as the mom was perfect.

⭐ 8.0/10 (Originally written by Tim) Right off the top, I want to say, if you are considering watching this please please please watch Tár first, or even instead. I think they are different movies, but this movie wishes it could say as much and be as effective as Tár. Conductor-movie PSA over. My feelings about A Star Is Born are clear on this app (masterpiece), so why wouldn't I be excited for the next movie directed by and starring Bradley Cooper? Well, he certainly goes for it in this one, with directorial flourishes that make it clear that he is gunning for every accolade he can get his hands on. Half the movie is black and white, interesting score choices, camera whirling around, dream sequences, its all here. There is one scene in particular, a 5 minute conducting sequence where it is clear he went all method and learned to do this for real, this is pretty breathtaking, and easily the best part of the movie. Oh, this is a movie where Bradley Cooper plays Leonard Bernstein, a...

⭐ 8.0/10 (Originally written by Tim) What a flick! I can't say I loved it, but I love that they went for it. First off, my major gripe was why they didn't use the real names. This is so clearly based on a true story, I didn't understand why they couldn't place it in today's world. But that's minor. This is about Natalie Portman learning to act like Julian Moore, who plays a woman who had a child with a 7th grader (google Mary Kay Latourneau). A crazy story, and I actually like the framing of this story. Instead of showing us beat for beat what happened, which would probably be illegal, its about a woman trying to understand how this woman thinks. The funny thing is, I don't think we are supposed to side with Portman either. The music is super over the top, very soap opera-y, and the idea of a method actor spending weeks with the family is kind of stupid. Maybe that's the moral of the movie, acting is weird and when you try to act like a crazy pers...

⭐ 10.0/10 (Originally written by Tim) Is this guy my new favourite author? I love his style so much, the way he tells these real-life stories in so much detail and colour while still using only first-hand accounts is really awesome. The amount of research projects like this would take feels like a life's work, but he already has a handful of these. Anyways, this is a wild story about a shipwreck, and the whole time I just felt so miserable for these people. He does a great job tying in themes that clearly resonate with him in Killers of the Flower Moon as well, small-folk being abused by people in power. In fact I think the most powerful part of this book is the ending, where it is kind of revealed that all of this was basically for nothing. I guess that's a spoiler, but who cares, the attraction to this book is the insane living conditions for these sailors. How humans ever explored the whole Earth is beyond me, since every time they set out I feel this dread. The naviga...

⭐ 5.0/10 (Originally written by Tim) Not much to say about this one, since this is a movie for little girls. Its about an obnoxious child who lives a spoiled life in a fancy hotel and is obnoxious and annoying. She helps all the other people in the hotel find the magic of Christmas. There are some talented people in the movie but I was on my phone the whole time.

⭐ 7.0/10 (Originally written by Beans) I want everyone to know that I am a massive Timothee stan. I’ve loved him in everything he’s been in. This movie was not it. It didn’t work on many levels. It wasn’t a good musical. It wasn’t a good comedy. And I dare say it wasn’t a good family movie either. It was just fine. I was entertained at parts, bored at others. Ya there’s really not much to say. I don’t know who was asking for this.

⭐ 9.0/10 (Originally written by Beans) On twitter people were saying this is the most underrated movie of the year. And considering I had never heard of it and what my score is that might be true. It follows a young 12 year old girl who is living on her own because her mom died recently and she doesn’t want social services to take her from her home, and one day her dad shows up whom she has never met to take care of her. Her dad is young, and very invasively intrudes on her life. Yet you’re kind of on his side cause she’s 12 living alone. The whole movie is basically them falling in love as father and daughter. It was actually quite beautiful and I liked it a lot. This is one of those movies I think I’ll think about a lot. It felt very low production but not in a bad way at all. You immediately fall in love with the girl and her friend, and also the dad as he’s trying to navigate being a dad. It was funny and heartwarming and at 1:20 very easily digestible.

⭐ 7.0/10 (Originally written by Beans) This movie has caused quite a bit of commotion lately because it’s pretty wild and also stars the very beautiful Jacob Elordi. And if there’s one thing I love it’s being part of a pop culture moment so I had to watch. I guess it’s mostly a commentary about the rich and class disparity but I don’t think it was done great and felt a bit cheap tbh. The movie follows Elordi’s character at Oxford where he befriends a weird, poor little freak played by Barry Keoghan. Elordi brings him home to his literal castle for the summer and everything descends into madness. Rosamund Pike plays the mom and she’s quite good at the English upper class snob. There were a decent amount of shocking moments that were quite wild but maybe never had the desired effect on me. Maybe I’m too desensitized. I will say, they did awkward and second hand embarrassment EXTREMELY well and those scenes were worse to get through for me. I can’t imagine most people who read this will l...

⭐ 7.0/10 (Originally written by Joseph) This is the Jim Carrey version, and it's pretty good. It had actually been forever since I'd seen it through because I didn't remember anything from this. But it's definitely not bad. Lots of classic Grinch lines that you see online all the time. Jim Carrey is obviously the master, but man, what a weird dude. I honestly think none of this was scripted, they just let him loose on set. But yeah, very ridiculous, very silly, lots of weird physical comedy. The girl was cute, and you can tell lots of love and effort was put into set design and costumes. But yeah, it's also like 20 minutes too long and it's weird to stretch out a tiny kids book to a feature length movie. Still, not bad. Normally a 5-6, but a Christmas 7.

⭐ 8.0/10 (Originally written by Joseph) Maybe my expectations were a little high because of Tim, but I was a bit let down by this season. I loved season 1 because it was really funny with a few emotional interjections. The balance was a little off here. I thought it was... just not very funny. They mostly go for emotional payoff every episode, but I found them to be a little much. There are fewer jokes and too many serious moments, and the serious moments didn't really hit for me. Don't get me wrong, I still thought it was a good season and I like the show. I thought the episode Decolonativization was hilarious, and basically what the first season was made up of. Lots of great characters, both main and side. Pretty great stuff. I also have one quibble that I know is minor but it drove me absolutely insane. Why the hell do they say "shit ass" 500 times per episode? It is so annoying. Nobody says that. I actually did internet research to see if it's something people...

⭐ 8.0/10 (Originally written by Tim) I can't say I have loved Mulaney's previous specials, something about his energy is just weird to me (although I love the previous bit about computers checking on us to see if we are human, so funny). He was a head writer at SNL during the last time it was great, so I have been following his career with some interest, and this stand up special is almost entirely about his recovery from cocaine addiction! There are plenty of good jokes in here, as he basically walks us through from his intervention to rehab and then re-entering the world. Its funny, but the whole time I felt so sad for him. I couldn't help but think of all his famous friends who watched him go through these really dark times, and its tough to imagine someone, yes even someone so rich, go through this. It feels like it would have been impossible for his friends not to notice, and I would hope that if I had a friend struggling with addiction I would be able to intervene soo...

⭐ 8.5/10 (Originally written by Tim) Great movie, I'm going bullet points since everyone here has seen it. Scoring the movie in this way is a unique choice and I think it totally works. I love this animation style. As much as I love spiderverse this simple art style conveys so much and feels so creative. I think its more than just nostalgia - sometimes less is more when it comes to what you are seeing onscreen! I think the action scenes in this movie are top notch. Ending the movie with Tarzan's iconic yell gives me chills. Is this the best looking Disney couple? Hercules and Meg might have something to say about that, and certainly Aladdin and Jasmine, but I think these are two good looking leads. Sound off in the comments.

⭐ 7.5/10 (Originally written by Tim) One of my favourite TV shows is Mr. Robot, so I was excited for Sam Esmail making a movie starring Julia Robots, Ethan Hawke, and Mahershala Ali. I think this movie has a great setup, and lots of cool moments, but ultimately was a bit disappointing. This is an apocalypse scenario, which means there are some great suspenseful moments as weird stuff happens and our characters are off the grid and just getting this weird trickle of information. It reminded me a bit of Lost, more and more questions being asked with so few hints being given, and that excited me. But like all movies/shows like this the speculation is more exciting than the answer, and I felt that the ending of this movie was incredibly weak. The final moment is supposed to be kind of funny, probably saying something about our reliance on media to get us through the unthinkable - I was definitely watching this thinking of covid. But I knew that final moment was coming 15 minutes into th...

⭐ 9.0/10 (Originally written by Beans) I had a ton of fun watching this. I’ll admit, I haven’t watched many Godzilla movies, and the lore is not well known to me. I’m assuming the new Godzilla and King Kong is about a budding romance between the two? Anyway, this movie is dramatic and amazing and full of grief and destruction. The Japanese view point was very interesting, especially around the whole kamikaze thing. The child was the cutest person I’d ever seen and the girlfriend/wife was nice too. Although this is a very human story that does actually make you feel sad and makes you think of the implications of nuclear war in a deeper way, it never felt fully high stakes to me and I’m not sure why. Godzilla looked a little bit goofy and then the end also didn’t help things in that regard. All that said, I thought it was awesome and my favourite foreign film of the year!

⭐ 8.0/10 (Originally written by Joseph) I find this one a little odd because it's a Christmas movie based off a huge IP that reviewed well, yet I hadn't heard a single thing about it. It's a funny animated movie where the Joker is trying to destroy Christmas, and Batman is out of town so it falls to Damian Wayne to solve. This one is definitely geared towards kids, and is less Spiderverse and more Spongebob. But I thought it was quite funny, and very easy to watch for the 90 minute runtime. It has lots of funny Christmas movie tropes, at times being Home Alone, and others being Grinch. It was cute, well-written, and the animations were great. Totally recommend, especially for parents of young kids.

⭐ 8.0/10 (Originally written by Joseph) This book is subtitled "How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed," and is one of these historical/ anthropological books I've come to love. It goes over a number of societies that have developed in precarious spots, and discussed why people there either survived or disappeared. So for instance, he talks about the Greenland Norse, and why they weren't able to adapt while the Inuit people were. It's all very interesting and big picture, essentially talking about how humans operate and survive. I love Diamond, and loved this book, but this wouldn't be the book I'd recommend by him if I could only recommend one. It is filled with really interesting stories and ideas, but I would also say it had the most stuff I was also not interested in. There is always a few chapters in all his books that don't interest me, and this one has the most of the books I've read. Still, chapters like Easter Island are so incredibly int...

⭐ 8.0/10 (Originally written by Joseph) Woah boy, this is a weird movie. It's about a married 36 year old woman that was impregnated by... a 12 year old boy... who she then later married... and had multiple children with and a long marriage. But this movie takes place 24 years after those events, when things have basically become normal. It's very, very uncomfortable, and immediately after watching it I didn't like it and would never recommend it. But it's been 24 hours and I have not stopped thinking about this movie. It's so strange, and these people are not portrayed as good or normal, but I think it asks a lot of questions about people and the way our thinking is shaped. The way we justify things, not only to others but ourselves. It explores lots of interesting dynamics, like how the kids of this weird union are raised and develop. It's all based on a true story which I keep reading more and more about. Humans are so damn weird. People having been praising ...

⭐ 2.0/10 (Originally written by Joseph) So when I was scouring the internet about details on Godzilla Minus One, this movie kept coming up. Some were saying this was the true Japanese masterpiece, a unique take on Godzilla from 2016. Don't be fooled by this hot takery. This movie probably doesn't offer much to most Western audiences. It's got some cool ideas, but overall I thought the whole thing was bad. So it's actually a very bureaucratic take on Godzilla: how do leaders react when this happens? It's all about politicians trying to navigate a disaster, and I think that's cool. It felt very grounded and real. It kinda mixes in some Japanese historical themes and thoughts on world relations. However, this was an issue for me for a few reasons. The biggest is that this movie has a cast of about 3000 characters, and basically none had any unique personality traits that I could really discern. Further, the dialogue is absolute rapid fire. It's all about them h...

⭐ 10.0/10 (Originally written by Beans) This movie is likely to end up as my favourite of the year. I watched it 3 times in theatres and think about it almost every day. I know that sounds dramatic but it altered my brain chemistry. So it’s no surprise that I love the album a lot. Metro Boomin is the producer on this and I think it’s clear to hear that the production is incredible, clean, and done really well. He’s an all timer. This music creates visceral reactions for me when I listen to it, which is mostly when I run or wanna get hyped. It’s intense and high tempo and feels so bad ass, but also has a lot of tracks that are vulnerable and deep. The opening song, Annihilate, is actually unreal and would be a number one song on any other album. I still think it stands out here but not as much. Am I Dreaming and Hummingbird also really stand out to me, as does Mona Lisa. But my favourite is Self Love, which is Gwen’s theme song. Just really incredible stuff that I’ve been listening to a...

⭐ 9.5/10 (Originally written by Joseph) Ah yes, a foreign film for the connoisseurs. This is a Godzilla movie, but made by Japanese filmmakers, and actually made by the same production company that made the original in 1954. It takes the series back to its roots, making this about postwar Japan and Godzilla's attack on Tokyo. Man, let me tell ya, watching this movie from the Japanese perspective is a whole new experience. In the west we watch Godzilla destroy cities and literally do not think twice about it, but it's very different when you realize that this thing was invented by people who just saw two cities disappear. I always knew that Godzilla kinda represented the American's assault on Japan, but this really made it hit home for me. Lots of themes of suffering, suffering more, powerlessness, loss, trauma, but then rebuilding and finding hope between moments of destruction. I think this movie was so effective because they were actually able to tell a human story in a m...

⭐ 6.0/10 (Originally written by Joseph) A 1989 movie where Chevy Chase plays the same character as he does in Community, except in Community it's ironic and in this, it's just not very funny. Lots of jokes didn't age well. I keep seeing, in older comedies, scenes where men are confronted with sexy women and so they lose their ability to speak, only mumbling out sexest things instead. These scenes are not funny! They are anti-funny! Why did more than one writer think this was funny? Anyways, aside from this, there are a few moderate laughs, most of it being slapstick and sorta funny. However, Uncle Eddie was an all-star and made me laugh several times. So there's that.

⭐ 9.0/10 (Originally written by Beans) This is a Christmas movie that I would argue is equal parts coming of age and I think those themes go wonderfully together! This movie is quite the roller coaster and I never knew where it was going or what to expect. It starts off at a boys rich private school the day before Christmas break, and some boys are holding over at the school because they can’t go home for one reason or another. However, it turns into something completely different! It sees 3 wildly different characters, all with their own grief and sadness and baggage come together and befriend one another. It has a lot to say about class and privilege and race in a really great way that isn’t pushy but still very clear. It is a bit meandering at times, but very engrossing that it never bothered me. Paul Giamatti was amazing in this and very funny. It’s over two hours long, but I highly recommend this over the holiday season! It will make you laugh and cry and appreciate your relations...

⭐ 8.0/10 (Originally written by Tim) I'll be honest I think this has been the worst of the books so far, although it is really solid. I think the issue might have been starting it, then having a child, then not reading it for 3 months since I couldn't read in bed with a baby asleep in the room, and then trying to pick it back up. I actually think the issue might be that this book is the longest so far, and there were 2 very long chapters about political machinations not involving Geralt or Ciri or any of the witches and I was completely lost. I like the depth of the world, but as expressed in previous books I cannot keep names and places straight. I have no idea whose side Dijkstra is on, or what Redania or Temeria or Nilfgaard want. Maybe this is my own problem, but I have played the video game and read lots of fantasy, this usually isn't my weakness. Maybe if there was a map... Not enough Geralt at all, and while I love Ciri I needed more of the man himself. Ciri'...

⭐ 5.0/10 (Originally written by Tim) I thought this season was a lot like the first season, in fact I thought it started off much better, but the finale was so stupid and terrible with so many awful changes I was angry. I was hoping the show would be cancelled but apparently not and I will be watching another season of this abomination! I'll start with some of the goods. I actually like the cast, at least appearance wise. Newcomer Lanfear did a really great job, and that's a difficult role imo. The best actress is Rosamund Pike, and they try to give Moiraine more to do, but the artificial plot they set up is so flimsy it just does not work. I see what they are trying to do with the changes they make, because obviously this can't be 14 seasons, but the attempt at added depth for each character just doesn't work. I think the best part of this season, and one of my favourite parts of the whole book series, is Egwene's storyline in this book. They spent a lot of time on...

⭐ 7.5/10 (Originally written by Tim) I saw a recent review of this movie and I felt that it was time to post my feelings, because I watch this movie every single year! It is the Christmas favourite of my wife's family, which is all girls, and while I agree that this movie is too long and Cameron Diaz isn't great I think this is a solid Christmas movie. Jack Black and Kate Winslet are cute, but the scene stealer is Arthur. This is a movie about people who work on movies, which is fun, and I find that the California half of the movie is way more emotional and engaging than the other half. The other half does have smoldering Jude Law, but man oh man some of those scenes of them go on way too long and are so uncomfortable. I think this is a good premise for a holiday movie too, house swap idea. But again, one side of that is way more interesting than the other. I always kind of forget that a key emotional point of the movie is that Diaz's character can't cry? That...

⭐ 8.0/10 (Originally written by Joseph) This was again a movie my senior's chose for movie night. It's a 1980 comedy featuring Dolly Parton that only has middling reviews, so I can't say I was expecting much. But you know what? It was pretty good! I thought it was a very modern feeling movie that aged pretty well. It's all about old corporate New York, basically taking place in the Mad Men building. The men wear the suits, drink the whisky and make all the money in their private offices while the women do all the work on the floor. This actually kinda felt a lot like the Barbie movie, but in this case it was actually funny. The boss is a huge ass, and the women conspire to take him out. That's how the movie is set up, but it kinda goes in other directions which was a tad disappointing, tough it sure wasn't predictable. The second half gets really zany and I certainly laughed a few times. It's still satisfying in the end, though it takes a few extra steps to ...